I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
