It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
