Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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