I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
