last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Actions speak louder than pants.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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