she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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