I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
