Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
