do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
