He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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