So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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