So drunk its hurt
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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