I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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