You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
