If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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