yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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