At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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