i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
