He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
