I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
