Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
