Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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