Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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