I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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