Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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