so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
