We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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