I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
