I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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