i think my tv is drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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