I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
