these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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