Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
