worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
