Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize