Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
