So drunk its hurt
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
