I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
