I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
