Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize