he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
