I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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