Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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