girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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