yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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