if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
