I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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