i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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