Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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