How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
