grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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