P.S. I can't hear my feet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
