I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
