I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
