apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
