I'm really into asian looking animals
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
