six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
false alarm, still single
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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