Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
