when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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