I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
