he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
