Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
