The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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