oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize