i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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